As I near the completion of my first novel, I’m finding my level of anxiety increasing.  Which didn’t make any sense, shouldn’t I be excited to be this close to the end?

It’s because the story is at its climax.  It’s because I’m juggling too many things.  My explanations for the feeling were endless, at first.  But even as I came up with them, I knew they weren’t the reasons.  Just couldn’t put my finger on what was.  Until the other day, when I sat in front of my laptop and realization hit.

It was fear.

The reality is that once this story is done, I will find out if it’s worthy.  Isn’t that weird?  I love my story and the characters have become a part of me.  But in the end, it’s not if I like it as much as if the agents, publishers, and readers do.  I was terrified of rejection.

I have been fortunate enough to have developed some amazing relationships with several talented writers.  I reached out to them to understand if I was alone in feeling this way.  It turned out, I wasn’t.  Their experiences with it were no different than mine.

“Fear starts with fear of rejection from publishers. Even now, after it has been accepted, it’s now fear of reader rejection” (Valerie Twombly).  Over and over the same themes popped up.  What if someone will think my story is stupid?  What if I get bad reviews?  What if I’m wasting my time?

Micheala Miles had this to say about her own struggles with the feeling: “For me fear and doubt starts from word one. Can I write what’s in my head? Will it work on paper? Will I enjoy writing it? And from there, it changes with each stage. Is this really believable? Can the ending still work? Can I show this to other people? Will I ever be happy enough with it to let an editor or agent see it?”

In the end, it helped me see that I’m not alone and that if these very confident and talented women were scared, then I’m probably doing something right.  So how do I defeat this sometimes debilitating emotion?  I turned to a quote from spiritual author, Pema Chodron, to find the answer to that question.

Once there was a young warrior. Her teacher told her that she had to do battle with fear. She didn’t want to do that. It seemed too aggressive; it was scary; it seemed unfriendly. But the teacher said she had to do it and gave her the instructions for the battle. The day arrived. The student warrior stood on one side, and fear stood on the other. The warrior was feeling very small, and fear was looking big and wrathful. They both had their weapons. The young warrior roused herself and went toward fear, prostrated three times, and asked, “May I have permission to go into battle with you?” Fear said, “Thank you for showing me so much respect that you ask permission.” Then the young warrior said, “How can I defeat you?” Fear replied, “My weapons are that I talk fast, and I get very close to your face. Then you get completely unnerved, and you do whatever I say. If you don’t do what I tell you, I have no power. You can listen to me, and you can have respect for me. You can even be convinced by me. But if you don’t do what I say, I have no power.” In that way, the student warrior learned how to defeat fear. ” Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times

Like the warrior Chodron mentions in her story, I must also learn how to combat fear.  It will always be there, sometimes a whisper and sometimes a forceful voice.  Regardless, I will finish my story and I will know that I did not allow my insecurities to defeat me.

Chödrön, Pema. When things fall apart : heart advice for difficult times. Boston: Shambhala Distributed in the U.S. by Random House, 2000. Print.

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Interview with Kidnapped Hearts’ Author, Cait Jarrod

Interview with Kidnapped Hearts’ Author, Cait Jarrod


Today I have the pleasure of interviewing a good friend,  fellow member of Coffee Talk Writers, and an up and coming new author, Cait Jarrod. 


Hi Cait. Thank you for taking the time to sit with me and talk about Kidnapped Hearts.

1). Tell me a little about the story.

Small town girl and owner of The Memory Café, Pamela Young, regales in her life with her friends, aptly named the Band of Friends until her life is turned upside down with stolen bearer bonds mysteriously coming into her possession.

After a five-year disappearing act, Jake Gibson returns home retired from the FBI, and ready to make a mends with his estranged family. A freelance case falls into his lap, involving the woman he’d resisted years ago. He will do anything to protect Pamela, even put his life in jeopardy along with his heart.

2). What makes Pamela so special? Why should I root for her?

She’s a sweet, honest woman who becomes a victim of circumstance because of her stepfather’s criminal activity, resulting in her being put in harm’s way with a known terrorist. She has to learn to defend herself or get hurt.

Wow, so she has to be everything she’s not in order to survive. Sounds like she had to experience a great deal of disappointment to get there. Some writers say they feel their character’s emotions when they write a scene. Did you feel her pain as you wrote parts of it?

Yes, I try to get inside the character’s head, so the reader feels everything they do, hence, I smile, laugh, get scared and yes my eyes water when they’re sad. I’ve had to take breaks from writing a scene when the emotions have gotten too strong.

3). How did you know when the story was done?

When the plot is resolved, all the pieces have been tied off, and the couple has their ending.

4). So this is your first published novel. Tell me what that’s like for you.

I have a range of emotions. I was happy and excited, then there was the flipside, sad and scared. I’m happy and excited for obvious reasons. Sad because I wish my mother was here to share this with me, and not knowing how readers will perceive the book is somewhat scary.

3). Thank you for answering my questions and I can’t wait to hear what the readers think of Kidnapped Hearts. Tell us where we can pick ourselves up a copy and how we can let you know what we think.

Kidnapped Hearts can be found on several links. Two of the most popular are below. The book will be available at Barnes and Noble soon.



There are several places you can contact me. To sign up for future notices ‘like’ my Facebook page, follow me on Twitter, go to my webpage and follow by blog, or email me. All of these places you can leave a review as well. Amazon even has a place to give the book a star rating.

Webpage: caitjarrod.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/CaitJarrod

FB: https://www.facebook.com/cait.jarrod

Email: cait.jarrod@aol.com


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Cait Jarrod – Kidnapped Hearts

Cait Jarrod – Kidnapped Hearts


Hello all.  Check out up and coming new author, Cait Jarrod.  She is an excellent writer and her book comes out February 28, 2013.  Grab a copy.  It’ s a must read!!

Kidnapped Hearts


Cait Jarrod


Small town girl and owner of The Memory Café, Pamela Young, regales in her life with her friends, aptly named the Band of Friends until her life is turned upside down with stolen bearer bonds mysteriously coming into her possession.

After a five-year disappearing act, Jake Gibson returns home retired from the FBI, and ready to make a mends with his estranged family. A freelance case falls into his lap, involving the woman he’d resisted years ago. He will do anything to protect Pamela, even put his life in jeopardy along with his heart.


A scream shot Jake out of the bathroom. He’d been spying on Pamela in a bathing suit that barely covered her luscious breasts ever since she snuck out of the house until nature called him away. In his underwear, he dashed through the sliding doors in his bedroom and spotted a silhouette walking out of the water. Looking through the binoculars, he released a breath. Pamela was okay.

There was something sensual about surveilling her through binoculars. Not quite the upstanding thing to do. Then again, it was his job to watch over her. Outside of tying her to a bed, which wasn’t a terrible idea, he didn’t have any other choice.

Pamela’s next movement shocked him. She unfastened the top of her bathing suit. The discarded top landed on the sandy beach.

Jake sucked in a breath and leaned forward against the railing, supporting his weak knees. Pamela pulled the strings on each side of her too tight bikini bottoms. It slipped away.

Hard as a rock, he observed a butt naked Pamela dash into the water. Jake swallowed as her firm mounds disappeared. The sight hypnotized him until a strange prickling at the base of his neck occurred, his hair standing on end. He surveyed the stretch of beach. Nothing. He focused back on Pamela.

“Damn it.” The realization smacked him in the head like a tree branch. He had been so engrossed keeping an eye on her that he forgot agents roamed the area.

After lobbing his binoculars in a nearby chaise, he descended the deck stairs, bounded down the boardwalk, and scrambled through the sand. “Pamela!” Crap, he should have yelled Betty. The concern dissipated as his mouth watered and his dick twitched. Pamela faced him. Her lush globes swayed, beckoning him. His eyes drifted south as her waist broke the water’s surface. The moon illuminated the dark hair of her mound.

He shoved his lust aside as anger rose. “Anyone could see you.” He grabbed her beach towel from the ground. Within seconds, he stood in front of her, blocking her luscious body from anyone who roamed in the shadows. The problem was he had a direct visual of her feminine form. Like a divining rod looking for water, his male anatomy pointed directly at what it wanted.

He groaned and pressed his hand against the unthinking part of him. The ache made him cranky. “What the hell are you doing?” He moved his hand and touched her arms; her naked breasts touched his bare chest. They both stilled. He wasn’t this strong. No man was. “God, Pamela,” he said on a sigh.

The hunger in her eyes drove him crazy. He wanted his lips on hers, his hands on her firm breasts.

She shifted, and her nipples stroked his skin.

“For the love of God,” he groaned. His voice sounded strained, even to him.

“Should I remain patient?”

His eyes lifted from her breasts that begged to be touched, landing on the mischievous gleam in her eye. “No. Yes. Damn it.” He raked his hand through his hair and sucked in a mouthful of fortified air. “I can’t … but yes, we both need to be patient.”

He grasped her shoulders, turning her until her back faced him. “Raise your arms.” He wrapped the towel around her, commanding his hands not to stray from her shoulders. Despite his efforts not to touch her, he kissed the back of her neck.

She eased away and faced him, her lips turning up at the corners. “Remember, be patient.” She whisked by him.

His body pulsed with need. Wiping his hand down his face, he followed her out of the bay.

Holding her towel firmly, Pamela trotted up the boardwalk toward the house. Jake’s footsteps sounded behind her. She wanted to reach her bedroom before he could say another word. What had she been thinking to disrobe the way she had? The discarded bathing suit lying on the beach flashed in her mind. Tomorrow, she’d unearth it. Hopefully, the tide wouldn’t sweep it into the water. If it did, she’d leave some money in the drawer with a note of apology.

She edged around the group of flowering bushes hiding the outdoor shower and washed her feet, then turned to ascend the steps. A hand on her waist stopped her. Jake had caught up with her. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

The hand dropped, and the voice that responded made her skin crawl. “It’s nice to see you, Pamela.”

Cait Jarrod


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Born and raised in Virginia, I spend my time between being a mom, a taxi for my children, and writing. As a child, I had an active imagination. As an adult, I loved to escape into romance books and movies. Put the two together and you have a writer of romantic suspense novels.

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  • About Kishan

    From daring escapes by tough women to chivalrous men swooping in to save the day, the creativity switch to Kishan Paul’s brain was always in the on position. If daydreaming stories was a subject, Kish would have graduated with honors. It has taken her decades to discover a way to finally pull those stories out of her head and share them with the world.

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